My parents are gone till Sunday.

And while this generally means, 'house party!', I think I'll just relax that shit this weekend. I don't feel like it's a, 'house party!', when I already live here, so I'm not sure what the point is. But, this does mean that I can pull a Risky Business and just slide into any given room with my underwear and my sunglasses, just fucking shred some air guitar. This is especially an easy thing to do now considering about 70% of this house has tiled floors. Hey: anything can happen when I have the house to myself!

The other day we had to auction ourselves out to audience members during our weekly show. We essentially raise money by having people pay us to humiliate and make ourselves sick on stage in front of them like a bunch of circus people. My stunt was to drink some old ass milk dated Jan 30. A crisp Mr. Lincoln would buy you a double shot of that nasty shit. The auction went considerably well, minus the fact I don't think I made it appear as awful as it really was. Part of the reason was at first I could totally handle it. It just tasted like milk and tang; three shots later I was considering that milk should never taste like tang and getting sick. I ended up spilling my intestines over a trash can, sharing it with my friend Brian who literally downed two entire bottles of syrup in about five minutes flat. Other highlights included having the kid who's a cage fighter in our group piss his pants for a miserable $25.

Today I'm going to get a bagel and write some fucking comedy. Things need to start getting done. I've been talking about video sketches with a lot of people and the only people who are really ever going to get the ball rolling on the matter is myself and Brian. The problem is we're drunk or sleeping most of the time. I suppose we should really iron that out. But whatever. Today we will write comedy that will soon be filmed. We have a sketch group in the works; basically been in the works for months now, but we need to just shut up and film.

In other news, the NBA allstar game is this weekend, and Steve Nash isn't even playing because of his god damn shoulder. What a bust.