MY NEW FRIEND

If there's one thing I do exceptionally well, it's making friends with people who don't live in houses.

I guess to word it a little more bluntly, I'm pretty good at making friends with the homeless. The reason I've worded it differently above is a reason you'll never understand unless you're ever in my position. If you practice a lot like I have, you'll hit a point where talking to a homeless person is no longer a chore; it's the favorite part of your day/weekend. It's no surprise to me that my best homeless friend and I would inevitably meet at the Yucca Bar and Tap Room. The prices are really appealing for people without a roof over their head.

He came outside to smoke a cigarette and immediately started hitting on anything with breasts. I'll be the first to tell you, he had a certain flair to him that some of the ladies outside were really going for. I don't care if the girls he was talking to would hide behind other people when he was talking to them. That was their own way of showing they would totally give it up to this guy. And how couldn't you? This guy had a really vivid sense of humor. Here's an excerpt:

Some girl: (talking to someone next to her) "You're really starting to grow on me. Like mold."
Homeless friend: (talking to absolutely nobody) "Old? Did you just call me old?"

Let me explain why this is funny. It was topical as hell. I mean, the guy kept shouting he was 52 years old. Naturally, any outlet he could pretend his hearing was so bad because he was so old would be so funny. Perfect opportunity right there.

After the Yucca closed, I went over to his house to do pain killers.