First off, I should be commended on this candid shot with my awful phone - Rhoads inspired me with some of his Mesa voyeurism. Back to the subject at hand, Jerry. Mother fucking Jerry. She is one of the more depressing/repugnant people whom I work with. I can't say I blame her. She confines herself full time to a stuffy 10x8 room inside the PTS office fielding calls from people looking to claim their cars that the bastards who pay me towed - people looking to claim their cars who assumably attend classes/work at ASU and thus are already being fucked in the ass for thousands of dollars for a degree/paycheck, so ... you can imagine how most of those conversations go down (See also: fucking miserable.).
Every so often Jerry slithers out from under her bridge to complain about something, such as the lack of billy goats to gobble up. Today it was her body figure. She announced to everyone in the conference room that she couldn't drink any of the free Amp energy drinks that had been given to PTS in lue of America's birthday. No one asked, she just told them. This prompted an obligatory, 'Why?', from my supervisor Henry, a dude that is clearly too nice to not be baited. Jerry went on to explain that she just started her new diet which would consist of exercise and not eating junk food. She went into needlessly hilarious detail about obtaining her figure through excessively eating hot fudge with peanut butter in context with her completely sedentary lifestyle. At this point it should be duly noted neither the water bottle or Subway cup from the photo above belonged to Jerry. She's not really into that sort of thing.
I tuned out pretty quick while intermittently reading my book. I know, I know. What could be better than listening to a miserable lady complain about her excessive body fat? Jerry didn't perpetuate gender stereotypes for too long before not all too ironically moving to the subject of suicide. According to Jerry she would opt to hang herself rather than shooting herself in the face on the grounds that leaving a mess behind would only make matters worse for the unlucky person who would stumble upon her body.
She then proceeded to saunter back to the dispatch office, and I'm sure, really think about that.
2 comments:
Most women opt to kill themselves in somewhat nonviolent ways like hanging, or overdosing on pills, because women are cowards.
She just wants to show off her new slim figure with an open-casket funeral.
lack of billy goats to gobble up? awesome.
Post a Comment